I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
