I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
