we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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