so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
