He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
