i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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