FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
