guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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