I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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