shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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