I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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