I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
