3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
