Soap is not a condiment
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
