Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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