READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
