I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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