I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
40s are totally the cure
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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