I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
