And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
