ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
