I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
