I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
