I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
