I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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