ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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