im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
