I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
how does that bad decision feel?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
