I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
