I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
