i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
