At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize