Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
This beer is not sobering me up at all
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
