So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
