There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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