can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
foreskin is a definite game changer
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
