addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize