When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Randomize
