ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
