paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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