You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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