Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
