can we get nightvision for the apartment?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize