do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
