i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
