i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
