Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
