I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize