the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I love you.
Bad choice
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
