she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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