And to think..we used to do everything sober...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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