Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she told me i tasted like america
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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