Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
