Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
