Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
