You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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