I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
