Buhtt sex?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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