The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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