sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You know, be my cock's hype man.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
