He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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