But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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