i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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