from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Randomize
