My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
tell your sister to shave her snatch
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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