Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
