Non-Jews are for practice
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
