Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
