I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
